Spoiler alert : it’s Monday.

I’ve heard the mention of “Sunday scaries” more and more lately. I’m pretty sure it refers to the sense of dread most people get on Sunday’s when they start to think about going back to work/starting a new week and not really looking forward to leaving the bliss the weekend tends to bring. The break from reality.

I use to experience this a lot when I was working outside the home but since I’ve become a stay at home mama I tend to feel another kinda way on Sundays. A feeling I can best describe as “I get so hyped on Sunday nights about how much better of a person I’m gonna be this week!” Granted, it’s not near as catchy, it’s very true.

It seems like every Sunday evening after everyone is asleep I lay in my bed and literally pump myself up for the week ahead. Here are a few of the things I tell myself about the week to come…

“I’m gonna wake up early in the morning and enjoy my coffee in peace and while it’s still hot/cold!”

“I’m not gonna yell as much this week. I’m gonna be more patient.”

“I’m going to read my bible every day this week. No exceptions!”

“I’m gonna stay on top of the laundry.”

“I’m going to clean the kitchen every night, no matter what.”

The list goes on and on but these are the main things I promise myself on a weekly basis. I will say that I sometimes start the week out real strong. Monday’s are my least favorite days so I really try to stay strong and hold myself accountable. But by Thursday… by Thursday I’m a HOT mess, y’all. I’m overwhelmed again.

I’ve tried several different methods and I’ve tried doing little things that will set me up for success as the week goes on. When I’m diligent with the little things I can definitely tell a difference and I can keep the momentum going but it seems like I always end my week feeling the same way.

Tonight as I lay here preparing myself for this short week, I’m trying to think of a new method for my madness. I love the analogy about the empty cup. Not being able to pour into others unless you have something in your own cup. It makes perfect sense. It is so important to take care of yourself so you can take care of the ones you love and want so desperately to do all the things for. My mind often goes to “What would Memaw & Nanny do?”

A little backstory. My Memaw (my sweet mamas mom) and my Nanny (a God send who made me believe whole-heartedly that love is thicker than blood) both raised five babies all while working full time, maintaining their home and serving their family with love and delicious meals. I have a hard time wrapping my head around how they wore so many hats and still would speak so fondly of even the hardest times in their life. My Memaw passed away in 2009 and I miss her every day. My Nanny is still as feisty as ever and I’m so thankful to still have her influence in my life.

I sometimes think that the reason I get so overwhelmed is because I’m trying to pour from an empty cup. That I don’t do enough “self care” but then my mind goes to the two sweet women I just told you about. I highly doubt they had any time to themselves for a multi-year span. Not counting driving to work or sleeping. They managed. Not only that.. they did it with love and understanding. Why is it so hard for me? Why can I not do what they did with three less children?

Well… tonight it hit me. Because I feel like I’m owed time alone. “Me time.” I’ve been looking at my life (chores, church duties, parenting, wife-ing) in a “I have to do _____” mindset instead of “I get to _____.”

Talk about a light bulb moment. I’m not at all saying breaks, “me time” and self care aren’t important. They are but I’ve been using them as a crutch or an excuse when I don’t get them when I want them as to why I’m not productive. Not the most fun thing I’ve ever admitted about myself but so true.

Going into this week with a new mindset and a clear heart and mind. I’m not nearly as hyped as I usually am about this time but I’m feeling SO much more grateful for the life I’ve been given.

As I approach thirty I tend to look at things a lot differently than when I was approaching twenty or even twenty five. I feel like that’s probably pretty typical.

Ten years ago (insert wide eyed emoji) I was in college. Kind of. I mean I was enrolled in college but wasn’t the best at attending my 8:00am class. I didn’t know who I was, where I was going and I definitely didn’t know who I wanted to be. I nanny’d a lot, had lots of girls nights and had a puppy. I thought life was stressful, dating was stressful and really liked to sleep.

Five years ago I was a new mama. I was lucky enough to be at home with my sweet baby and loved every second of it. I had found my purpose, was happily married and just starting to learn how to love myself in my own skin. While I still didn’t know what I wanted to be when I grew up, I had definitely made progress in knowing what I did not want to be. I had a new love for iced coffee, losing weight and I still really liked to sleep – though it came much more infrequently. 😉

Now, well…. Now I’m just a couple of months away from turning thirty and I can’t wait. In the last five years we have added another sweet boy to our little family, I’m still at home with the boys, we bought our forever (unless someone comes along and offers us like lots of money) home, adopted some farm babies (a donkey, three goats, a pig, lots of chickens and several dogs), learned that money doesn’t grow on trees and that the less debt you have the better you sleep at night and JKM has started a little side business of trapping critters that we’ve all come to enjoy. Our world is about to change in such a fun way as we start our homeschooling journey and I’m so looking forward to where it’s going to take us.

For the first time in my life and I can truly say I am letting the Lord lead me whole heartedly. If you know me, you know I have a small (big) issue with control. Mostly little things like how the dishwasher should be loaded and the volume on the television. There may be a few others but I’ll spare you the details. 😉 What I’m trying to say is that it’s taken me a full thirty years to…

– Learn to fully lean on Jesus
– Not to sweat the small stuff
– Perfection is highly overrated
– When it comes to friendships quality beats quantity
– There’s an oil for everything
– My mama was right about EVERYTHING (except Bauer)
– You only have to take it one day at a time
– You’ll never regret an “I love you”

I can’t wait to see what the next five years will bring.