If you’ve ever been to my house you’ve probably heard me mumble some apology about the state of my laundry room. It’s no secret it’s my least favorite chore and something I struggle with on the daily (except of course when I ignore it for a couple of days and it gets even worse). I think in my whole adult life I’ve been truly caught up twice. Two times, guys. Those aren’t good stats.

It’s no secret that getting older is more difficult than anyone could ever explain to us before we reach this stage in life. I don’t mean physically, I know I’m still a baby but mentally. I think we get to a point where we don’t really feel as much pressure from the outside world on who we should be, what we should be and how we should do it all, as much as we feel pressure from the inside. We mature enough to shut out others opinions but do we ever get to the point of shutting out our own?

I’ll be thirty next July… I can’t wait. Seriously. It’s always seemed like such a magical time to me, like you finally become who you have always wanted to be when you get to that milestone. Don’t get me wrong, I have a few friends who have had it figured out since elementary school. One of my closest friends has always been sure of what she wanted to do and become and has conquered that tenfold. I look up to her more than she’ll ever know and we’re the same age.

Lately, I’ve been dealing with one of the biggest struggles of my life. To some, it’s probably nothing and to others it may just sound silly – but here’s the truth. I have no idea what my purpose in life is or if you wanna get even more technical, my calling. I know there are people out there that are struggling with much bigger things and demons and I am in no way trying to say my current problem even comes close. I’ll be the first to tell you in the grand scheme of life, I’ve never had a bad day.

I love being a wife. I love being a mama. Those two roles mean the most to me and are surely some of my life’s most important work but I can’t sit here and tell you that when my boys are grown I know what I’ll be doing because I don’t. I haven’t the slightest clue.

This. This is where the devil steps in and tries to aim his negative arrows into my heart, “If you can’t even keep up with the laundry, how on earth would you ever fulfill a calling?” He’s smart, he knows exactly where to prod and poke to try to make room for doubts to creep in.

Here’s what I know. I don’t have it all together, I can’t even keep up with my laundry. I mess up more than I do right, BUT the same God who spoke this big ol world into existence thought it needed one of me. While I don’t know what my future holds, or what I’m going to do with the life I’ve been given. I know this, when the Lord reveals it to me I’ll cling to it with every ounce of my being.

I’m not sure if anyone else is struggling with this, but if you are… You’re not alone. We’re in it together and we serve a mighty Savior that will lead us to our purpose.